I'm not usually afraid of anything but goddammit, I'm scared right now. I'm scared I'm going to wake up and my life of the last 6 years will have been a beautiful, technicolor dream. I have an amazing husband who spoils me to death. I have a whole bunch of great kids. And a passel of gorgeous grandchildren. I don't want to wake up and find that it was all a dream.
Nothing ever goes as planned. We decide we are going to do something (like write a book) and we give ourselves a timeline to do so. Well fuck a duck here comes a monkey wrench. Life gets in the way like a deer crossing the road in front of your car. So how do you deal with that? Do you whine and cry that life isn't fair? Or do you roll up your shirt sleeves and get to work removing the obstacle? Personally, I'm an obstacle remover. I've had plenty of them dropped in front of me over the 50 years I've been on this planet. I CHOOSE to deal with things in a constructive manner. Crying, wringing my hands and rending my clothing does nothing but make me ill. I refuse to sit in the dark and feel sorry for myself. Am I in pain? Fuck yes. Am I depressed? Fuck yes. Do I want things to be different? Fuck yes. So how do I make things different. I can't change them by sitting on my ass. So I get up. And even though it's painful, and I'd like to quit, I keep moving.